My Mom

Sorry I haven't been on   but I've been spending alot of time with my mom whose been in the hospital. She has had COPD for years but Thursday we found out its end stage and her dr gave her an estimate of 6 months to 1 year to live. I am devistated.....her health has kept her from doing many things and that makes me angry. I've talked about my mom on here but not in-depth, she is 53 and has COPD, she's been on oxygen for years to many for me to count. Monday I took her to the hospital because she couldn't breathe, well it turns out she has pneumonia so it's a good thing she went in, well thursday they told us that not only does she have pnemounia she also has a staph infection in her lungs.......WTF.......I just don't know what to do. I am a paid caregiver for her so that helps but she needs more help and more care than I can giver her and that sucks.

I am feeling all sorts of emotions, guilt, fear, anxiety. I'm scared to live the rest of my life without my mom, I have children so I now understand how deeply she loves me and in a sense I feel like I am letting her down by not being there more for her, or not giving her more in what could be her last days. She is disabled and on social security, so she is on an extremely fixed income and can't afford things she once could, but honestly I can't afford to do much for her because I have 2 kids as well whom both have health issues and each need special care.

I am at a loss, she really wants to come live with us but I really think staying here may be more harmful to her health because of the smells my house has. It smells musty no matter what I do, I use lots of lemon scented cleaner to clean the floors and what not but she can't tolerate that either. The smells really, really get to her and make it really hard for her to breathe.....I guess I wish I could be a better daughter and give her everything she wants and needs in her last days, but I just can't.