6/5/2018

So many of you fine readers know i'm a barista at starbucks. But the starbucks that I work at is on a college campus therefore we are closed all summer. This is nice because I have all summer to spend with my kids, but by doing this I do not get paid so no monies. To counter this, I've decided to transfer to another starbucks and work this summer but im still waiting for stuff to get done so I can start. Part of the stuff that I need to get done is I have to find appropriate clothing. Since I work at a campus location I don't have to adhear to actual starbuck dresscode. I can wear t shirts and things of that nature if they are clean and long enough. You can't do that at starbucks so today the bestie and I went shopping which was fun......But do you know how hard it is for a fatty like me to find work appropriate semi dressy clothes that aren't super expensive? Its hard. I did find a few shirts and I already have some but I became so discouraged. I know i'm overweight and I could stand to lose some weight but I don't think that im obese like a lot of the clothing designers make me feel.


Anywho, I want your opinion on where you go to get decent clothes for work, and what you all do to stay in shape. Im interested.

6/4/2018

So....Life has been so unbelievably busy. I don't really remember where I left off on this blog but  will do my best to sum up the last 18 months.

Feb 2017- My littlest monster turned 6 years old quickly followed by my mom being placed on hospice care and then passing all within a week of each other. My best friend and her family drove here from Idaho to help me with things because my brother really isn't a great person and he left me with everything to do. So my bestie and her family drove 13 hrs to stay for a few days to help me process everything and do whatever it is they could help me do. On their way home they got caught in really bad fog and in bad smoke from a fire and were in a terrible crash, this crash totaled their mini van but they all survived thankfully. They are still recovering kids were hurt pretty bad, my bestie slip her foot up pretty bad and is not finally able to walk on it but it still hurts.

March- My big baby turned 13, Went to Idaho to spend spring break and Easter with the bestie and the family. It was a nice get away. Food and my favorite people.

April-May-June- I honestly can't really remember what was going on. I know it was busy lots of stuff around the house to do but not sure if it was really done or just hopped it was done.

July-Bestie and family came for the 4th of July, we had fun, set off fireworks, BBQed, set the trash can on fire. Yes you heard that right, my hubby didn't wet all the fireworks down so they reignited out on the street next to the garbage can. So here I am at like 1130 at night washing my hands at the sink when I looked out the window and low and behold I watch the garbage pile out up in flames. I have never ran out of my house and to the hose so quickly in my life. It was terrifying but looking back it's kinda funny. Oh and while the bestie was here they found a  house! This means just what you guys are t hinking…..They are moving home!!!! They go home start packing we head over to help pack and then move home!!!!

August-The bestie has a house right down the street form us. 0.6 miles away. We go down for bbqs all the time they come over here we have a grand old time.....We have an eclipse breakfast party and it's fun. I also get a job as a Barista at Starbucks which honestly is a dream job for me.

Sept- School starts, I have an 8th grader and a 1st grader. I'm working part time at Starbucks and I love it. My boss is a little intimidating but I'm OK with that. I would really like to work on the bar more but I have zero experience.

Oct- still working, I did take a personal day off to take the bestie and her hubby to an appointment in Hillsboro. I did go to chipotle and fall off my stool. I wish there were cameras I laughed so hard and man it made my butt hurt so bad falling.

Nov-Thanksgiving at my house, lots of cooking lots of food, and family. Also really missing my mom. It's amazing how loosing someone who you felt suffocated you. you can miss so much more than you ever thought you could.

Dec-Christmas at the besties, we had a traditional elf  dinner, opened presents and spent the day in each others company

life

Hopefully me readers are familiar with me and know that I am a lipstick hustler. I am a distributor for Lipsense. This is a company that I truly believe in, it's a long lasting lipstick that does not transfer so that means no smiling with lipstick on your teeth, no lip marks left on your latte, and no accidentally rubbing it all over your face. I've experience lipstick regret with other companies, you know what that is right? You find the PERFECT lipstick, you put it on and it's creamy, it looks great on your lips. An hour or so goes by and you decided to eat a sandwich, and oops! Your lipstick is now all over your face and it won't leave. So you try and cover up what's all over your face :( This is lipstick regret. I am so happy that I don't have to deal with that anymore because lipsense is amazing.....

So last week sometime, Josh promised Alice he would buy her a pool for the summer time, this kid doesn't give up. All week, when are we getting a pool? I want to go swimming! daddy said I get one! So Sunday, daddy bought her a pool and put it up, and she was in hog heaven.  Monday it reached 98 degrees and today it was in the mid 80's so it was definitely swimming weather, and swim she did. This kid is a mermaid, a Aquarius by birth she is an air sign but she definitely feels at home in the water and that's ok. She loves to be near water, she'd live on a boat in water if you'd let her.

Life has been going by quickly, Alice just started tball, lynds going through her own teenage angst. Me, I'm just trying to build my business so I can afford to stay home with my babies and provide some substance for them. I need ideas here people! How to I present the idea of "Join my Team" without it being in your face or annoying?

Mother's Day

May 14, 2017

This is my first mothers day with out my mom. It's been hard making it through the last 3 months without her. I am having a hard time with the fact that I now feel Orphaned. I feel like I have been left behind and I am kind of resentful. Yes, I know that I am almost 33 and I have a family of my own I however, still feel like I need my mom. Both my parents are gone as well as my step dad, I only have 1 grandparent left and she's almost 73 so I don't have much time left with her.

I wanted nothing but for this day to not happen....I wanted to sleep through it, pretend it didn't happen. I didn't really grieve when my mom passed, I was to busy planning everything, clearing out her apartment and making sure shit got done. Not really fair for me, I also totally understand that life isn't fair but honestly it was way to much for me to bare at that time. I am not even kidding when I tell you that I just finished off paying for my step dads funeral when my mom passed so it was an unwelcome experience. I am still finding it hard to grieve, I feel like I have way to much stuff going on in my day to day life to be sad. It's not that I even want to be sad, I just want to cry over the years that we may of had. I also kinda feel like I grieved already because she had been so sick for almost 1o years, COPD is a bitch and it rules your life. She wasn't able to join in on things because of her smoking, then her anxiety and then her depression about all of her barriers. It was sad, but she was my mom and I miss her a lot. But I have two beautiful daughters and a wonderful hubby that wanted nothing but for me to have a good day. They were wanting to honor their mom, which is exactly what I want to do. There is no body for me to take her flowers she was cremated, I have her ashes so I think tomorrow I'm going to load her in my car and we shall go get some coffee together. Is this weird?

So I awoke today to an absolutely quiet house, I got up looked around, went to the bathroom and turned the TV on to mysteries of the unknown on the travel channel and crawled back into bed. About 20 minutes later my little comes in with some flowers for me and told me that breakfast would be in, in a little while. My biggest baby who is 13 made me my favorites, like she really cooked. She diced up spam and fried it up, cooked bacon, and fried me some over easy eggs, she did it all herself and it was delicious. She made the eggs better than I can! So far my day has been full of mixed emotions, I'm sad my mom is gone, but so thankful that my girls and my hubby love me enough to let me be mopey, buy me chocolates, tell me I'm pretty, and let me watch my favorite movie even thought they all hate it.

I choose to cherish this day even though my heart aches. I have 1 32 days until my moms birthday which is another day I will reflect on. Maybe I will celebrate with a BBQ with some family to commemorate her life. Happy mothers day mom, I love you and I will miss you every day. I know you visited me last night, and I know your proud of me. I love you......

The Life of a Busy Mom

So I am always busy. I get up with my kids in the morning and I go to bed way after they go to bed because well......Insomnia. I've been getting up, getting them ready, myself ready, then dropping the oldest off to school, then the little, than off to the gym for an hour or so followed by errands and then home. When I'm home if feels like stuff is never done. I feel like I am constantly

Congenital Heart Defects (CHD)

Where do I start this story......I have blogged many times about my daughter's heart condition. What is has in really rare but even more rare that she has it but doesn't have downs with it like so many do. When you hear about another family going through the same stuff you went through regarding their children's health your heart just aches for them. When Jimmy Kimmel was talking about his son being born and finding out within minutes that something was wrong with their brand new baby it's totally gut wrenching. We found out at 3 days old that something was wrong and they didn't know what so we were referred to a cardiologist  where she first had a echo and then we met with the peds cardiologist team that confirmed what everyone thought, she had AVSD and would need open heart surgery. At this time affordable health care didn't exist yet and Obama Care was a new thing. I didn't worry though because I had insurance that I paid for every month so baby was covered, I just worried about our portion of the hospital bills we'd have to pay. We made pre arrangements with the hospital for the birthing costs so I started making payments on an estimated $15,000 birthing cost with C-section.

Well about 2 weeks after birth my insurance cut her off, said that I never notified them of my pregnancy which I did, and they denied any and all coverage for my baby. So here I am 2 weeks into a life long journey of navigating the life of a chronically ill child. I have littereally no idea on what I'm going to do. I seriously loose my shit. I planned on returning to work, I worked up until a week before I had my daughter. I planned on going back 4/4/11 but that really just wouldn't work. My daughter was born 2/1/11, on 4/4/11 the day I was supposed to return to work, I was at Doernbecher Children's Hospital waiting for my daughter to go have her repair surgery. Instead of having this surgery that was going to "fix" her she ended up coding, she stopped breathing, some of the scariest moments of my life is watching doctors, nurses and anyone who had a spare hand attend to her lifeless body. Instead of her going back for surgery, she was placed in the PICU on life support where we waited for her body to heal itself and figure out what happened. We waited helplessly while brilliant minds tried to figure out what was going on, we got nothing. No one knew why her body gave up besides she was just too tired to go on. I am so thankful this happened in the hospital and not in the car on the way up. I am so thankful that she received the help she needed right away.

Thankfully before her surgery happened we were able to get her insurance stuff figured out but that was a hard thing to navigate. While navigating  all the insurance stuff I learned that because of Obama Care and the ACA my child would never be turned down for health care for a condition she was born with. She would always have good insurance and would always have the care that she needed. This was a godsend to me and my family. We would never have to choose between taking care of our baby's medical needs and paying rent and bills. We would never have to worry about not being able to afford an expensive medication and believe me for a while she was on 5 or 6 and many of them were $1,000+ a month for.

I worked full time since my oldest was 5 weeks old all the way until my youngest was born, I am not someone trying got get something for nothing. I worked until I just couldn't anymore because I needed to take care of my child. Please, Please, Please remember this when your voting on they type of coverage the ACA provides.

Well, Well, Well!

So lots of stuff has happened since my last post. Life has changed so much since Feb 8th. So much, so let me catch you up!

    Feb 8th my mom was on hospice, we talked with the hospital to see if there was a way they could keep her because she was so fragile I didn't want to risk loosing her during transport, the hospital assured me that they couldn't keep her because she was doing well enough to transport and a nursing facility could take care of her better than they could so they prepared for transport and transported her. During this time my aunt who was here from Alaska took me to dinner because I hadn't eaten the whole day. My mom was prepped for transport at 5:30pm and we were supposed to meet the hospice care team at 6:30pm at the nursing facility.
    Shortly before 6:30 I called the nursing facility to double check my mom was there, the nurse told me that I needed to hurry up and get there, my om was in fact there and was not doing very well. I cut dinner short with my Aunt, I told her what was going on and I headed up to the nursing facility while calling my husband and my grandma to let them know what was going on.
    As soon as I walked in the nurse met me at the front doors and let me know that my mom had passed, she apparently didn't make it through transport. My mom died in a van, after we begged the hospital to keep her they assured me that she would be OK. The drs lied to me they told me she would be fine. So I spent the next few things planning things, cleaning things out and taking care of things. The only great thing that came from this is that my best friend and her family came to see me and help me get stuff done. I have 1 brother but he's got some issues and really doesn't help with anything which honestly really sucks for me.
    For one long weekend my bestie and her family were here helping me with things and helping me keep my mind off of what was going on. I can not tell you how much I appreciated it because well at that time my life sucked. Unfortunately on their way home they were in a horrific accident that resulted in her 10 year old daughter breaking 1 hip and having a concussion as well as internal bleeding, her 12 year old son to break both hips and having internal bleeding, her hubby had a concussion and messed up his ankle, and my besties with some severe trauma and a messed up foot. I am so thankful that they all survived and feel terrible that they were all hurt but let me tell you that was a call I never wanted to get.
   Again so thankful that they are alive and working towards getting better and learning their normal. After spending only a week and a half in the hospital they were released to go home and learn their new normal, I wish I could be there to help them. They were here for me when I needed them but I just cant seem to be there for them because of life. WHICH SUCKS. On top of all of this we've had to take our oldest daughter out of school because she was failing everything and I know that she can do better but why she's not seeing it I have no idea. We got her enrolled and it took forever to do it for one reason or another. Now she's 2 weeks in and is doing a wonderful job.